She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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