LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize