I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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