Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
