Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
