my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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