About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
