He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
