My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize