So drunk, too bad you don't want this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize