A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
