idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
