So drunk its hurt
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
