first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
