Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
