my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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