My room smells like vodka and shame
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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