She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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