i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
