Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
