OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
