At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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