my mouth tastes like poor choices
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
