I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
