morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
