Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
