Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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