so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
