Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
