i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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