I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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