just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
