Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
