I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
