We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
