dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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