Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
