I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
