I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
