omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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