I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
