Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
