3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize