Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize