If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
