We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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