Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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