Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
