Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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