Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize