Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
