the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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