i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
