I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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