Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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