Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
