no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize