Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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