I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
