I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
