when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize