dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
youre lurking in front of me
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
