I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
