i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
