I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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