Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
