I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
