I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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